Know your elephant

With phrases like, “You can’t out train a bad diet!” and other potentially intimidating phrases and memes all over the Internet, life can be a scary place for people wanting to change. And that is part of the problem. The world of health and fitness can be a confusing and scary place for those who might want to be healthier but don’t know where to start. And things like this can be downright off-putting, so why bother starting in the first place?

Or people might start and they are confronted by information such as “Fitness is 20% exercise and 80% nutrition. You can’t outrun your fork!” or “30% gym, 70% diet. Abs are made in the kitchen not in the gym”. Never mind the aggressiveness of these statements (and the second one is factually wrong about abs being made in the kitchen, but hey what does that matter in the world of health and fitness?), they quote different figures adding to the general confusion.

As another example, there are loads of studies out there showing that certain stuff can be good for us, like the various studies about red wine. Apparently red wine can:

• Lower cholesterol
• Reduce the risk of heart disease
• Lower the risk of stroke
• Cut the risk of colon cancer
• Control blood sugar
• Prevent Dementia

Really? Can it? Or is that the effect of one of the key chemicals found in red grapes, Resveratrol, which may have many effects in the body, including expanding blood vessels and reducing blood clotting? But don’t worry there are also lots of studies out there showing us that red wine is bad for us. The same goes for any number of food products, exercises, workout regimes and on and on and on (a bit like those Ariston adverts in the late 1980s). It’s all very confusing.

Which is why so many people struggle with changing their approach to life, and veer away from actively trying to become fitter, leaner, stronger and healthier. I get it. Change is scary and hard. Especially when confronted with conflicting information. This can lead to clients who are resistant to change despite knowing that their lifestyles aren’t the healthiest or best for them.

You might have heard a marketing saying that people don’t buy with logic, they buy with emotion. That saying is possibly very true, and relates to two very different parts of the brain: the rational brain and the emotional brain.

A nice way to visualise this can be as an elephant and its rider. The rider is the rational brain – the part that likes facts and logic. The elephant is the emotional brain – the part that likes to feel cared for, understood and most of all… safe

We like to think that we are rational beings and that the rider is in charge, but actually the big old elephant is the one in charge most of the time. When the elephant is happy and comfortable it lets the rider lead, but when the elephant feels scared or uncertain the rider loses control and the elephant does what it wants.

Our rider tells us we need to change our diet and use the gym regularly if we really want to shed some excess weight; our elephant won’t let us walk past the cake stand without trying the lovely looking gateau temptingly placed to trigger our taste buds. If you visualize a rider sitting atop an elephant, you understand the dilemma: The elephant is far larger and stronger than that lonely rider. The wise and rational rider doesn’t provide energy for change; indeed, the rider is often at risk of “paralysis by analysis,” getting lost in the facts and options with all that confusing and conflicting information out there.

That’s why our elephant is so critical: We don’t make difficult changes without feeling highly motivated and turning to our emotional brain. So we need both rider and elephant pulling in the same direction to successfully change. Which is why it is critical to understand the role that the elephant – the emotional brain – plays in the decision making process. Once the elephant feels safe and secure, once it feels trust and comfort, then we can work on the rider – the rational brain. Doing things in reverse rarely works.

Telling people to do things might work in the short term, but if things don’t go according to plan then there is an easy get out for them. It wasn’t their plan in the first place. Which is why it is important to make conversations a two way street.

Do you ever have those conversations where you say, “I need you to do this.” and the other person is like, “I don’t want to.”? So then you’re like, “Come on. I NEED you to do this!” and they cross their arms and are like, “Nope!”

Standoffs like this are all too common in the health and fitness business. Coaches sit down with their clients and tell them what they are doing wrong and then plead with them to improve their diet, exercise, sleep patterns and more. Ironically trying to convince them will probably make them less likely to do it.

Think about it. What do you do when someone tells you what you are doing is wrong? You defend. You feel misunderstood. You build up your arguments in order to justify your behaviour. So as you argue against change you actually deepen your reasons for not changing.

Which is why I like to collaborate with clients to help them achieve the results that they want – hitting their targets – as they have a sense of ownership over the process and so are more likely to effect the change that they are after.

But remember, if you want to make changes in your life, think about your elephant when you are making those important decisions.